Hayden Panettiere opens up about losing custody of her daughter in bombshell memoir

Los Angeles, California – Hayden Panettiere reflected on losing her “daily life” with her daughter in her explosive memoir, This Is Me: A Reckoning.

In her new book, the 36-year-old detailed the “gut-wrenching” experience of losing custody of her daughter, Kaya, whom she shares with her ex-fiancé.

“My daughter, Kaya, has lived with her dad, Wladimir Klitschko, since 2018,” Hayden wrote in an excerpt shared by People.

She continued, “Not being under the same roof with her every day has been the most gut-wrenching experience of my life, and it’s hard to describe the layers of emotion, including sadness, resentment, and anger, I’ve felt because of it.”

The Nashville actor said she “grieves” not being the mother she thought she’d be, adding, “Trust me, no one should ever have to raise a child on FaceTime, and although I miss Kaya so much my heart aches, I know how blessed I am to be her mom.”

Elsewhere in the book, Hayden opened up about her struggles with postpartum depression and addiction after a difficult pregnancy.

The Heroes alum had a C-section, which she called “the hardest thing” she’s ever endured.

“I’d always heard that mothers feel an instant rush of love the moment they lay their eyes on their baby, but I felt nothing,” Hayden writes, admitting that bonding with Kaya felt like “an insurmountable task.”

Hayden revealed that she became addicted to alcohol and opioids while suffering from postpartum depression, which led to losing endorsements and her ex seeking full custody.

She added, “I never want to stop evolving and changing for the better. I’m forever going to be a work in progress.”